Toolkit: Performance Review Survival: A DBT Framework for ADHD and RSD

This toolkit approaches performance reviews not as battles to survive but as opportunities to practise.

Introduction: Why Performance Reviews Hit Different with ADHD

Performance reviews represent a perfect storm of ADHD and RSD triggers: anticipated judgement, forced self-reflection through a neurotypical lens, criticism that feels like rejection, and the requirement to advocate for yourself whilst your brain insists you're an impostor who's about to be "found out."

This toolkit approaches performance reviews not as battles to survive but as opportunities to practise DBT skills in a high-stakes environment. We're not aiming for reviews to become comfortable – that's unrealistic. We're building skills to navigate them with less damage to your nervous system and more accurate representation of your value.

Part 1: Pre-Review Preparation - Building Your Foundation

Mindfulness: Separating Facts from the Story

Before your review, your brain is likely creating elaborate narratives about what will happen. These stories, fuelled by past experiences and RSD, can make the actual review feel predetermined. Let's practise separating observable facts from the catastrophic fiction.

Exercise: The Evidence Inventory

Create three columns on a page:

1. What I Know (Facts)

2. What I Fear (Story)

3. What's Possible (Alternative)

Fill them in:

• What I Know: "My review is Thursday at 2pm with Sarah"

• What I Fear: "She's going to say I'm not meeting expectations and everyone knows I'm failing"

• What's Possible: "She might have constructive feedback alongside recognition of my contributions"

Reflection Questions:

• What percentage of my review anxiety is based on facts versus fears?

• When have my catastrophic predictions about feedback been wrong before?

• What would I tell a friend who had my exact performance record?

• How is my RSD potentially distorting my perception of my performance?

The Body Scan for Review Anxiety

Each day leading up to your review, spend 3 minutes noticing where review anxiety lives in your body:

• Does it sit in your chest as tightness?

• Manifest as stomach churning?

• Create tension in your shoulders?

• Show up as restless legs?

Simply notice without trying to change it. This awareness becomes crucial during the actual review.

Building Mastery: The Achievement Archive

ADHD memory often fails us during reviews. We forget our accomplishments, minimise our contributions, or can't access specific examples when asked. Build an external achievement archive.

Exercise: The Weekly Win Capture

Set a recurring Friday alarm. When it goes off, record:

• One thing you accomplished (however small)

• One problem you solved

• One positive interaction

• One skill you used

Keep these in whatever format works: voice memos, photos of work, emails to yourself, a dedicated channel in Slack to yourself.

Pre-Review Evidence Gathering Questions:

• What projects did I contribute to that I've forgotten about?

• What fires did I put out that weren't formally recognised?

• What informal feedback have I received that I've dismissed?

• What unique value do I bring that neurotypical colleagues might not?

• Where has my ADHD been an asset (creative solutions, crisis management, pattern recognition)?

Emotion Regulation: The Pre-Review Protocol

Exercise: Creating Your Review-Minus-24 Protocol

24 hours before your review, implement this protocol:

PLEASE Yourself:

• Treat Physical illness: Take medication, address any pain

• Balance Eating: Plan meals you can actually eat despite anxiety

• Avoid mood-Altering substances: Reduce caffeine if it increases anxiety

• Balance Sleep: Use every sleep tool you have

• Get Exercise: Discharge nervous energy physically

The Opposite Action Plan:

When anxiety says "Prepare for the worst," do opposite:

• Write three realistic positive outcomes

• Dress in clothes that make you feel capable

• Stand in power poses for 2 minutes

• Listen to music that makes you feel confident

• Text a friend one work accomplishment

Questions for Your Opposite Action:

• What would I do if I believed I deserved recognition?

• How would I prepare if I knew the review would go well?

• What would confidence look like in my body?

Part 2: During the Review - Real-Time Survival Skills

Distress Tolerance: The In-Review Toolkit

You're sitting in the review. Your heart is racing. Your brain is screaming. Here's your real-time protocol.

Exercise: The Discrete TIPP

Temperature: Have cold water to drink. The act of drinking and the temperature change can physiologically calm you.

Intense (but subtle) Exercise: Press your feet firmly into the floor. Squeeze and release your thighs. Flex your calves. This discharges energy without visible movement.