Toolkit: Navigating Professional Disagreements with ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation

Introduction: When Your Brain Makes Every Conflict Feel Like War

Workplace conflict with ADHD isn't just about disagreement – it's about navigating professional tension whilst your brain transforms every dispute into a potential catastrophe. Emotional dysregulation means a minor disagreement can trigger fight-or-flight responses. RSD translates professional feedback into personal attacks. Executive dysfunction makes it harder to track complex interpersonal dynamics. And impulsivity might have you responding before you've processed what's actually happening.

This toolkit approaches workplace conflict not as something to win or avoid, but as an inevitable part of professional life that requires specific strategies when your nervous system operates differently. We're not aiming to become conflict-free – that's neither possible nor desirable. We're building skills to navigate disagreement without destroying relationships, burning bridges, or sacrificing your wellbeing.

Part 1: Understanding Your Conflict Patterns

The Neurodivergent Conflict Map

Before managing conflict, we need to understand how ADHD specifically affects your conflict style.

Exercise: Your Conflict Response Inventory

Rate your typical responses (1-5, where 5 is "always"):

Immediate Responses:

• I feel conflict physically (racing heart, sweating, shaking): ___

• I need to respond RIGHT NOW: ___

• I catastrophise outcomes: ___

• I shut down and can't speak: ___

• I become defensive immediately: ___

• I forget the other person's perspective exists: ___

During Conflict:

• I interrupt to defend myself: ___

• I bring up unrelated past issues: ___

• My emotions overwhelm my logic: ___

• I agree just to end discomfort: ___

• I flee the situation: ___

• I say things I later regret: ___

After Conflict:

• I ruminate for days/weeks: ___

• I'm convinced everyone hates me: ___

• I want to quit immediately: ___

• I avoid the person indefinitely: ___

• I shame spiral: ___

• I can't remember what was actually said: ___

Scores of 4-5 indicate areas needing intensive DBT support.

Identifying Your Triggers

Exercise: The Trigger Map

ADHD makes certain conflicts particularly activating. Identify yours:

RSD Triggers:

• Tone of voice that sounds dismissive

• Email without pleasantries

• Being interrupted or talked over

• Criticism of work I'm proud of

• Being left out of decisions

• Comparison to others

Executive Dysfunction Triggers:

• Conflicts about organisation

• Disputes over timelines

• Criticism of forgetfulness

• Process-heavy disagreements

• Documentation requirements

• Multiple simultaneous conflicts

Emotional Dysregulation Triggers:

• Unexpected confrontation

• Public disagreement

• Passive-aggressive behaviour

• Unclear or vague criticism

• Power dynamic conflicts

• Values-based disagreements

Reflection Questions:

• Which conflicts send me into fight-or-flight fastest?

• What type of person triggers my biggest reactions?

• When am I most vulnerable to conflict escalation?

• What past conflicts still affect my current responses?

• How does my ADHD history influence my conflict interpretation?

Part 2: In-the-Moment Survival Skills