When you are raised by narcissistic parents, your primary function isn’t to grow; it is to perform. In the neurotypical-centric world, ADHD is often framed as a “disorder of self-regulation.” But for those of us raised in the shadow of narcissism, the “self” wasn’t something we were allowed to regulate. It was something we had to hide, suppress, and eventually forget, just to maintain the peace.
This Sunday, I want to explore the painful, clarifying intersection of late-diagnosis ADHD and the realisation that the people who raised us were fundamentally incapable of seeing us—not because of our deficits, but because of theirs.
The Invisible Disability in a House of Glass
Research into the overlap of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and neurodivergence suggests a complex, often devastating synergy. When a child has ADHD, they require a high degree of external structure and, more importantly, emotional attunement. We need “external frontal lobes”—parents who can help us co-regulate unti…
