Toolkit: ADHD Masking Through a DBT Lens

Understanding the Double Life

There's a particular exhaustion that comes from constantly translating yourself for the world. If you have ADHD, you likely know this intimately – the perpetual performance of "normal" that leaves you depleted, disconnected, and wondering who you actually are beneath all the adaptations.

Masking isn't just hiding your ADHD traits. It's the complex, often unconscious process of suppressing your natural responses, mimicking neurotypical behaviour patterns, and maintaining a facade that helps you navigate social, professional, and educational spaces that weren't designed for minds like ours. It's sitting on your hands to stop fidgeting, forcing eye contact that feels invasive, laughing at jokes a beat after everyone else while you're still processing, and saying "sorry" for existing in ways that feel too loud, too much, too different.

What I've been discovering is that DBT offers a framework for navigating this exhausting dance – not by getting better at masking, but by finding ways to be authentically and effectively yourself in a world that often demands conformity.

The Anatomy of Masking: What We're Really Doing

Before we explore DBT's offerings, let's map what masking actually involves for ADHD minds:

Cognitive Masking

• Hiding processing delays by nodding along when confused

• Pretending to remember details you've forgotten

• Concealing the effort required for "simple" tasks

• Suppressing the urge to info-dump about special interests

• Forcing linear conversation when your thoughts are webbed

Emotional Masking

• Dampening enthusiasm to appear "professional"

• Hiding overwhelm to seem "capable"

• Suppressing frustration when understimulated

• Concealing rejection sensitivity

• Performing neurotypical emotional responses

Physical Masking

• Suppressing stims and fidgets

• Forcing stillness when your body needs movement

• Maintaining eye contact that feels overwhelming

• Controlling vocal volume and pace

• Managing facial expressions to match social expectations

Social Masking

• Following conversation rules that feel arbitrary

• Performing small talk when you crave depth

• Hiding social confusion with scripted responses

• Suppressing the urge to interrupt

• Maintaining social energy when depleted

Each of these acts requires enormous cognitive and emotional resources. We're essentially running complex software (masking protocols) on top of our operating system (ADHD brain), and wondering why we're always exhausted.

The Cost We Don't Talk About

Masking comes with a price that compounds over time: