The Communication Puzzle: Navigating Work as the "Different" Colleague
So I'm sitting in another meeting where everyone seems to magically understand what's expected without it ever being explicitly stated. Meanwhile, I'm frantically trying to piece together what feels like a secret code everyone else got the key to.
Welcome to the neurodivergent work experience.
We're Not Speaking the Same Language My brain—like many ADHD, autistic, or otherwise neurodivergent brains—processes information in ways that research shows are literally, neurologically different. A 2022 University of Edinburgh study mapped how our attentional networks activate in patterns that neurotypical brains don't share.
This difference manifests daily:
I need explicit instructions while my colleagues seem to absorb implicit expectations through osmosis
The details everyone skims over can completely derail my understanding
My processing might seem inconsistent—lightning fast on some tasks, frustratingly slow on others
It's Not Just Me
For years I thought I was just "bad at communication." Then I discovered Dr. Damian Milton's double empathy problem, which validated what I'd always suspected: neurotypical people struggle just as much to understand my communication style as I do theirs.
The difference? Their style is considered the default, while mine is labeled "difficult."
What Actually Helps Me
After years of trying to force my square-peg brain into round communication holes, here's what actually works:
Written follow-ups are my lifeline
I process verbal information differently—sometimes catching everything, sometimes missing crucial details. When important instructions come verbally, I need them captured in writing too.
I need psychological safety to say "I'm lost"
The Microsoft neurodiversity research resonated deeply—I'm infinitely more productive when I can admit without shame that I need information presented differently.
My fidgeting helps me focus
When I look away or fidget during conversations, I'm actually concentrating harder. Research shows many of us process auditory information better when we're not also managing the cognitive load of eye contact.
Different communication needs for different days
Some days my processing is lightning fast, some days it's foggy. Having flexibility in communication methods helps me navigate these fluctuations that are part of my neurodivergent experience.
The Strengths Hidden in the Differences
My communication style isn't just a collection of deficits. That 2024 innovation study showing neurodivergent-inclusive teams generating 28% more novel solutions? That's because we see connections others miss and question assumptions others take for granted.
Those same pattern-recognition abilities that make implied social rules confusing help me spot system inefficiencies and creative solutions that more linear thinkers overlook.
What I Wish Colleagues Understood
I'm not trying to be difficult when I ask for clarification or written instructions. I'm trying to do my best work. The accommodations that help me communicate more effectively—clarity, explicit expectations, multiple formats—actually improve communication for everyone.
Have you found workplaces that navigate these differences well? What strategies help you bridge the communication gap?