FOMO: The ADHD Experience
Fear Of Missing Out, or FOMO, has become a common part of our digital lives. It's that annoying feeling that something exciting is happening elsewhere while you're stuck in your routine. For those of us with ADHD, this feeling can be especially intense.
Hyperfocus and FOMO
A hallmark of ADHD is hyperfocus. This ability to dive deeply into a task can be a superpower, but it can also have its downsides. When we’re in the zone, the outside world disappears. Time flies, and when we finally snap out of it, we might feel a rush of panic, realising we've missed out on something important. This can lead to intense FOMO.
While hyperfocus can amplify FOMO, it's not the only reason we experience it. Everyone can feel FOMO, but ADHD symptoms can make it worse.
Recently, my husband went to Germany to visit some old friends. I decided to focus on learning Power BI and catching up on work. I got so absorbed that the world outside faded away. But when I finally took a break, lounging on the sofa with a familiar Netflix show, FOMO hit me hard. It wasn’t that I wanted to be in Germany, but I realised I’ve drifted apart from many friends since my ADHD diagnosis three years ago. Keeping up with friendships felt overwhelming, so I used my diagnosis as an excuse to step back.
The Allure of the Unexpected
ADHD brains crave novelty. The unknown is always enticing, making it hard to stick to plans, even ones we know will be fun. The fear of missing out on something spontaneous can be paralysing.
This tendency to chase spontaneity over planning often leads to a cycle of FOMO. Without a set schedule, we find ourselves with too much free time, feeling restless and convinced we’re missing out.
Many of us with ADHD have memories of choosing fun over commitments. One of my most haunting memories is from my mid-20s. I went out partying and missed my friend knocking on my door so we could go to another friend's mother’s funeral. Even now, thinking about it makes my heart race.
Get off the Socials
Social media is a hotbed for FOMO. Seeing the highlight reels of others' lives can warp our sense of reality. For those of us with ADHD, who might already struggle with self-esteem, this can be particularly damaging.
It's important to remember that social media is often a curated version of reality. People share their highlights, not their struggles, leading to feelings of inadequacy and the belief that others have more fulfilling lives.
Taking Control
I've deleted my Facebook and repeatedly left and rejoined Instagram. It wasn't just about FOMO; it was the constant comparison of my (wonderful!) life to others that was messing with my mind.
Balance
While FOMO can be tough to manage, it's normal to feel this way occasionally. The key is to balance enjoying life and avoiding burnout.
Here are some strategies that help:
Mindfulness and Acceptance: Practice being present and appreciate what you have. Accept that you can’t be everywhere at once.
Setting Boundaries: Limit time on social media to reduce FOMO triggers.
Prioritisation: Learn to prioritize your time and energy to enjoy life without feeling overwhelmed.
Planning and Flexibility: While spontaneity is great, having a basic plan can provide security and reduce FOMO. Allow some flexibility for unexpected opportunities.
Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Remember, everyone experiences FOMO sometimes.
My New Approach
A few days ago, I made a mental switch. I’m not focusing on growing my blog’s audience, going back to Keto to look fit, or reconnecting with friends to become popular. Instead, I’m writing, making healthier choices, and reconnecting with old friends because I want it.
You’re Not Alone
Remember, you're not alone in feeling FOMO. By sharing your experiences and connecting with others, you can find support and inspiration to overcome this challenge.